However, when I step into the community I knew that this is not simply Rich, they are extremely wealthy. My friend picked me up in the airport and took me there, when we approached the house, he couldn't help screaming "oh my god! This house is so huge." Yes, it is. Only those parts that I could visit as a guest already amazed me. They have everything. Genuinely everything.

Nontheless, the family living in that mansion are traditional Chine. They eat Shanghai food, sleep before 11pm, use Windows 98 computer, wear gold accessories and turn off lights asap. So in this way, my life under that roof is a curfew one. Better for me to go home before 8 pm during week days and 9 over weekends since that house has the alarm system every corner. Every night has to received a round of Q&A at the gate and wait behind the white line to be taken a photo of. Or I will get shouted at....man....

Diamond Bar is a city full of wealthy Taiwanese. In the community they live, BMW and BENZ are like taxies in Shanghai, every house at least have 2 and your eyes would get so used to these brands. They actually are all very nice. They smile to you more, drive less aggressive than those mexicans in 10. They expect their children to be top students and provide them with the best facitilies to study. As all Asian families do, study is everything.

I want to see him again before I take off. I haven't told him i'm leaving soon because he like to do everything with me volunteerily. But if he knows i'm leaving next week, I guess he will choose to re-schedule his time. I don't want him to do that. I think I will drop him a message in the airport and see him in a few weeks.

I need time to think about us. Something happened and not happened. I just wish it will go the best direction for both of us. Miss him, miss him, miss him.

California, has golden sunshine, smily faces and warm memories every place I've been. A random breakfast in San Gabiel Valley, enjoying the atmosphere around from the 70s. I wanted to settle down. Stop poping on an airplane, flying here and there, sometimes lonely. Like this Starbuck, sitting in a cozy couch, with the rythm of "over the ranbow", a sip of green and ginger tea and several pages of "Waiting Wives". Miss him, miss him.........

May will be a very exciting journey for me. Go to my long-for place, visit some new places, meet some interesting friends and some new. I like this, the best to be in a whole new world. I hate this since I just got excited about somethings departure already lay in front. Miss him, miss him, miss him more.

Some hills bear our footfrint, some mountains memorize our laughs, some trees embarked our romance, some butterflies danced with our kisses, some breeze embraced our hugs and some hearts lingered our touches.

Oh, this curfew life. Beautiful, sweet and longing for again.

Stack by stack, I was looking for his book. When I finally approached to the call number, only found the position was empty. That sudden I felt a hit of jealous. Someone was intrigued by this person's ideas too, at present. My plan was interrupted. I thought with this good weather, while I picked a perfect seat on the top floor where I can enjoy the cozy of the wooden chair, he knows I love cozy. Sipping the cappacino, and read his mind, though I do doubt with the shallow level of my intellect, I couldn't comprehend.

"I could write this book only because of the love and support. She is my wife, my friend, and (more often than she knows) my guide." My tears went down. Just as these days, mood suddenly went to the trough, tears just dropping without any prediction. Where did those tears come from? Isn't it a beautiful sentence that expressed a grateful mind? " As I entered a crucial phase of my writing Elisabeth entered the world-- my world--full of demands. She diverted me, she charmed me, and because of her everything looks different."

I recall a time when I stole the key to my mother's locket where I know some secrets are there. I took out her diary and only had time to read the very first sentence "Yiying, I thought of this name before her birth. Artistry and Intelligent, this should be our girl's best gifts. Ying, she's the fruit of our love, my love with him." I only wish I translated her wordings half accurate because from my perspective today, I began to understand the beauty of a young woman's first child-birth. All the excitement, anxiety, prospects, blessings, worried feelings, how possible for someone to write it down with simple words.

For a woman, giving birth, willingly, is an far more important decision than marriage, at least for me. People might choose to get married because of so many reasons. But to nurtrue another life within our body for 10 months and bear the unimaginable pain during the birth is something related to love. I simply reject to believe there can be many men in a woman's life that win her love enough to have children together. There are even fewer men, in my life that made me have all kinds of fantasy to spend time with him, live with him and have children with him. That deserves a marvelous power and long-term electricity between the two bodies and souls, that may take years to testify how far are we willing to go for this love.

I used to choose "avoid" and "escape" to get over things.  But now, i've been revolving. I'd be willing to confront my feelings, confront my past, confront many potential harms that come to me innocently or intentiously. This feels torture, but worthies. I feel the butterflies in my stomache that make me anxious, changeable, smile, frown, even tearful to think of many drops of moments.

I've known I am holding his book, with his name on it. But I am still experiencing a bliss of satisfaction to recognize his words. I think I would've known he wrote it. It is very him.

Let me freeze for a moment: I am coming back, when the world stops spinning, the ocean dries up and you miss me. I am coming back, with a more clear understanding of many things, with the realization of either of those three things. I am coming back.

I will get on another plane in 7 hours, somehow I doubt this is the main reason for my floating mood tonight. Isn't it what I want? Pack some shining useless crap in my travel bag, with IPOD, Laptop, pick up a line and get on a plane. Every place I want to go has a friend or some friends waiting for me. Their excitment, hospitality, warm welcome and trust made me feel so strong that I want to settle down in that place. Look at each group in each city, why can they, at the same young age, feel the capability to settle down in a place. Why can they find a real relationship, a person who they can run to when they got frustrated outside, a group of friends where they can laugh with, cry with and share the beauty of every one drop of time in our life. I admire them, I even want to be them, only when the unstable soul inside calls on another attempt to move on.

When I was 20, I already felt fearful for the extremely limited length of life. It amazed me how can many people around have the luxury to chill and hang out all the time. I understand the strong family support might contribute to their leisure life style. However I always ask myself a question, if all I did was to consume every privilege older generations left me, what can I do for my children? Brag about how powerful their grand parents were and let them witness the shallowness of their own parents? That is one word --pathetic.

So, I chose to be on the road as much as I can. Enjoy the beauty and diversity of the world, let them fill the depth of my former hallow soul. I gradually found the power within, that I indeed could do something to change some part of this world. Maybe just to help a devasted heart stop bleeding, smile to a frown face to make her realize how beautiful her smile is, lend out 3 hours of my time listen to a moving story from a true feeling, reward myself 10 minutes just walk in the streets, no talking, no puzzling, no thinking, just enjoy the slight bleezing of leaves and some breaths nearby. Many things would be very much changed.

TVM introduced his philosophy in Body & Soul in the last class in comperative democracy class. Take a very close look at his students, I wasn't surprised to find each body was with a soul that making every effort to explore each other's. Those who only care about a grade will never choose his class, those who felt repulsed by his intimidating lecture and Socrates' questioning style would never choose his class, those who always say " I don't care" in their lives would never choose his class. With a soul, you do care. It will be such a luxury moment or chance for one to say " I don't care " in our world because everything is just so marvelous and amazing.

Don't you feel fascinated by the scene in Malibu or Los Cabos? Don't you feel tearful when looking at those graduates' jumping around and laughing with each other? Don't you feel blessed by those angle-look kids running around you and looking at you with their pure innocent eyes? Don't you feel the wonder of life when a loving one hug you into his arms, watch you intently from their heart and kiss you so powerful that all minds go off without any conscious. All these can only be appreciated by something called Soul.

I never asked the professor what is a soul. Everyone would take it the most humiliating comment on them if people say they do not have a soul. But who can genuinely give a definition of "Soul". The complexity of the idea itself deserves a life-long exploration. In mine, the threshold for with a soul is the capability to feel the pain.

The opposite of Love is not hatred, it's indifference. If we still can feel the pain when thinking of someone, of something, that means we still care. I've clearly known how cruel and harsh it was to feel indifferent for others. Even one more blunt look was considered a waste and degrade of my dignity. One being indifferent for his/her life means he/she is indeed dead, only with a walking flesh.

I felt a huge pain today, without knowing the exact reason. For a person? For a tangling thing? For a wandering feeling? I do not know and not aim to figure out.

In the end, I feel burdenly relieved that I truly still can feel like this again.